we have pet lesbian snakes
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
