I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
