Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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