JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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