I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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