I hate all girls vehemently.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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