oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize