nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
