I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
