I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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