So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
