I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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