Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
