6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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