I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
