He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
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