roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
