All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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