When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
