In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
