1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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