17 year olds will be the death of me.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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