Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
