Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
