Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
