I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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