I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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