so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
