take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
