he puts the penis in happiness.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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