My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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