'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
