just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
