She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
