I accidentally had phone sex last night
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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