you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize