NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize