I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
