11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
