We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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