peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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