She said her name was "party"
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i just had sex bonerless
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
