I'd wear matching sweaters with you
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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