Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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