I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
