he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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