How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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