What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
