i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Randomize