i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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