after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
