I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
