I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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