You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
