i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
