Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize