Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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