I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Randomize
