Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
