It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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