he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Quick, to the slutcave!
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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