pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Randomize
