Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with youâ€
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