i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
