we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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