4 words: hood of his car
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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