Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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