i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
