my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
